A Pivotal Moment – Anguish To Connection

silent sobs rocking my body

I lay in bed, only inches away from my partner, my gut wrenching, tension in every muscle of my body, silent tears streaming down my face as I swallowed down the sobs that rocked my body

He, on the other hand, had gone to sleep, unperturbed by my distress and untouched by the argument we’d had just before bedtime.

It wasn’t new. This had happened many times between us. This disconnection. This chasm between his emotional shut down and apparent peace, and my body holding enough emotional charge for two.

 

i reached a turning point

I don’t even remember what it was that time, what set us off; we argued so much by then, it all blurred into one messy sea of distress punctuated by tiny islands of deep and indescribably beautiful connection.

But what did make this time different was that I reached a turning point.

 

feeling shut out was tearing me apart

Moments before, I’d been fantasising about hurting myself.. to express some of the internal anguish, to show him how much I was hurting, to just not be alone in the dark with the pain.

The feeling of being shut out, abandoned, and insignificant to someone I loved so much.

It was tearing me apart.. and then the words of a friend came back to me:

“If you’re in a relationship with someone who makes you feel like hurting yourself to show them anything, you need to leave. They’re not worth it.”

They were sensible words I’d thought about before, but they somehow landed this time and my inner world shook with their impact.

Shattering a martyr pattern I’d inherited from my mother, and generations of women before me.

Why *would* I stay with someone where I wanted to harm myself to get them to see or care for me?!

 

i told him to leave

In that moment, I switched from “what if he leaves me” and all the codependent and people-pleasing programmes inside of me that played that track, to “do I want him??”.

.. and something new was born inside of me.

I dried my eyes, turned over, woke him up, and told him to leave.

 

he could feel something had changed in me

He was annoyed at being woken from his peaceful, emotionally shut down sleep, in my bed.
He began to argue, but something was different in me.
He could feel it right away.
A determination.
An empowerment that wasn’t there before.
He got up and left.

And our whole relationship changed.

 

It only takes one moment.
One insight.
One decision.

 

It turned out to not be the end of our relationship, only the end of those soul destroying arguments and the start of a new way of relating for me (and for him too).

I had to learn new skills, new ways of communicating, new ways to love myself, healthier boundaries.. and I did.

I learned them and I applied them and I never looked back.

 

a whole new healthy relationship

We celebrated our sixth anniversary recently. Things aren’t always smooth; who’s relationship is?

  • We still disagree, but we have healthy conflict now.
  • We still disconnect, but we know it’s part of the dance of spaciousness and closeness of a healthy relationship.
  • And we know how to consciously reconnect again and feel the most exquisite, grounded connection and fulfilment as a couple.

In fact, our whole relationship became grounded, and stable, and so much more peaceful and joyous to be in.
My children didn’t have to hear us fighting any more.
And I stopped being so reactive and emotionally thrown from one drama to another, even in others areas of my life!

I learned how to choose my responses, to love deeply and healthily, and how to stay connected to myself.

 

are you a woman like me?

And now I help other women, women like me. Highly intuitive, empathic women, sensitive women with big feelings and strong desires, who have passion flowing through their veins and love like there’s no tomorrow.

✨  Women who’re tired of feeling alone and disconnected from their partner.
✨  Women who long to be seen and understood by him.
✨  To be held and feel nourished.
✨  And to feel cherished instead of lying right next to him, silently crying as he sleeps.

 

live masterclass this Sunday

I’m running a live 60 minute masterclass with Q&A this Sunday, at 3pm BST.

It’s called the More Connection With Your Man masterclass and I’ll be sharing my insights and teaching simple but profound tools and actionable skills to women who are now where I was at the beginning of this story.

Join me live, or if you can’t be there live, book now to get the fantastic early bird price and have lifetime access to the recording and slides.

You can even send your questions to me in advance – I’ll be finalising my slides later today, so you still have time.

 

 

 

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